Distortion of Theme

2300 hrs dated 10th October 2010: I could not slept the previous night so headed out for a stroll today early in the morning; took some pictures of the surroundings & returned back in an hour in order to prepare for my CFA exam. The colored night was full of sentiments. Its very difficult to persuade life. Believing everybody is dangerous, but believing nobody is more dangerous. However some newly developed attributes like self motivation and self concept really helps a lot in getting outta notorious feelings.

I got invigorated after the stroll & started again my studies. Also was feeling to do some merriment and thus made a 'good-morning' call to an angel. This innocent angel tries to hide her blues but fails as I can sense every beat of her heart. I feel nothing but to kiss her forehead and take her in my arms so that no shadow can touch her. But is she willing to come? I don't think so. Doesn't matter anyways. The appealing thing is otherwise. I really want her to laugh again with her original rabbit smile and am sure enough to experience that moment very soon. God bless you sweetheart!But I have become demanding too. I was always there unspoken, hidden deep inside the memories knowing about my presence from inside; but where you were in my infliction dear? I know I am bad but would I have been left you knowing otherwise! In lyfe you have-to take harsh decisions but intellect is required to be justified; not from your own point of view but considering all considering moments! May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays! I have prayed sincerely, be it Shirdi, or Aamer!

“Safar Per Saath Chala Tha Jo Rehbron Ki Tarah”

“Juda Huwa Woh Bhi Aakhir Musafiron Ki Tarah”

“Main Sochta Hoon Woh Kaise Bichad Gaya Mujhse”

“Jo Dhoop Me Milta Tha Mujhse Badalon Ki Tarah”

But honestly speaking my past experience has taught me a very beautiful thought; When you love someone, draw a circle around their name instead of a heart coz hearts can be broken but circles never end.

"Dil Ibadat...", the alarm tone of my cellphone, started ringing showing me 9:00 then. I cleansed my car after a long interval and drove to my examination center even though I was not supposed to drive. I gave a final reading of whatever I could read and appeared for the exam. I was feeling quite sleepy but managed somehow writing more than 2 hrs. A big achievement for me! After a month I was driving my car by myself & was really feeling like anything, so went alone for a long drive having no destination. The first song started playing at FM 104.8 was 'Hai Junoon'. What a coincidence! I can never forget this song and the surroundings! Many things change the perceptions and thinking. You may be first or last. But 'Change is inevitable'. It depends entirely on you how you enjoy the first position or exploit the last one. A short story is budding in my mind. Lemme share.

"A bus carrying only ugly people is involved in a crash, and everyone in the bus dies.

They go to Heaven. Because of the grief they have suffered, God decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is. The person answers, "I want to be beautiful," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line sees this and says "I want to be beautiful too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while, ! but when God is halfway down the line, the last person in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this man is rolling on the floor, laughing ..

Finally, God gets to the end of the line and asks the laughing one what his wish will be. The man eventually catches his breath, and says: "Make them all ugly again".

Moral - Don't get disheartened for being last, as you can still change others lives being last."

I came back to my flat at around 1700 hrs. Then talked to Jyoti and Aman on conference. Jyoti reminded me that I was supposed to meet her today after my exam and I forgot. How can I and Why did I? Unfair...I know I am bad! Why I am feeling bad? Coz small things do make a difference. Forgetting my promise made a difference to her. Just remember, no matter how small the deed it really does makes a difference. Again a brief:

"A man was walking down the beach at sunset. As, he walked along, he saw another man in the distance. He noticed this man kept leaning down, picking up something and throwing it out into the water, again and again. As, he approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach. He was throwing them back into the water, one by one.

Puzzled, he approached the man and said, "Good Evening. I was wondering what you are doing."

"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If, I don't throw them back into the ocean, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."

"But, there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possible get to all of them. And, don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"

The man bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into the ocean. With a smile he replied, "Made a difference to that one !!!" "

After doing some more activities like that of rearranging my room and likewise, I went to sleep and got up at 9:00. Then had some refreshments as was feeling hungry. I was also having a plan to call some old mates through voice chat. It was a long tyme since I had talked to. I started with Manu & Shruti & Anchal & Karan & Divya & Aditi & Pooja & Abhi & Mayank & finally Kashi.

And now sitting in front of my intelligent-box writing crap doing nothing. I love transition. I love facets. I love appearance. I love machete.

Know yourself!

Be yourself!

Trust yourself!

Love yourself!