Inner Peace

1817 hrs dated 23 Dec2010: I am silent today. There is no feeling left inside. The day started with an unexpected message from heaven. The brief chat made me feel as if I had got everything. But deep inside a voice kept on saying, 'dude its virtual; you will never get this angel; wake up, get real'. Destiny!

I rushed towards my car for a long drive was on the way. I was feeling her presence and to my surprise my speed limit confined to 60. But all the way was one more dominant factor which breached my vision. I was repenting on the harsh words I said to somebody the previous evening. That pure soul was crying in the morning and I was the bloody reason. Why I couldn't control myself? I made her cry in the divine time. Should Almighty forgive me for that? No...

The day is about to end and I have had nothing. But there is no feeling of even thirst. My inner peace is lost somewhere. And the irony is that I allowed the same. I am sorry. I could do nothing. But I tried today. I went to her. I respected her. Her eyes again filled with tears. She put her motherly hand over my head and came back. I was feeling as if I should be buried deep inside this earth. How come I did that? Please forgive me Lord! I know I am guilty.

Forgiving others is probably easy. But to forgive yourself is the most difficult task. The wound is now healed. But the experience would remain in my memories for forever. I confess my mistakes to the Supreme. I don't want to spoil lives. Let me the only one to understand. Some day probably I might be able to get my inner peace then.

Again as always:

It was a sad and quiet night,

with words as my shade,

I wrote this poem to you,

hoping that the pain would fade.

Hoping that the pain would fade,

the pain I feel in me,

as each day passes by,

the time might set me free.

It was a sad and quiet night,

when I faced the hardest part,

cause I was all by myself,

with a broken heart.

It was a sad and quiet night,

with my head in hand,

when I learned to accept,

and how to understand.

Now I do understand,

that reality is pain,

which brought me tears,

and left me in the rain.

It was a sad and quiet night,

as my dreams went through,

I realize my mistake,

it was wrong to have you.