Disappointment

2017 hrs dated 16 Dec2010: The heights of grief I am feeling right now. This is the worst letdown of my life. I'm learning more and more that this earthly life is inevitably filled with disappointments. I am facing the biggest defeat right now. I lost many things today. I don't know how I survived though many things got crushed today. I lost one of my biggest belongings... I'm sure there are lessons to be learned but I'm certainly not enjoying the process to get to those lessons. It seems like everywhere I turn I'm faced with disappointment. I guess it's partially my fault for assuming that others will have as much consideration and respect as I do for people. I guess I can't expect folks to behave as I would....but it's so disappointing when they don't. I'm getting fed up and I'm beyond annoyed. Over the last several weeks it just seems like let down after let down. And what's really shocking is that people that I would never expect it from are the very ones causing me so much grief. Have you ever thought that someone was a great friend, a person you could count on.....only to find out that they in fact could careless about the feelings of those around them and they actually only have their own self serving agendas in mind?! It's an overwhelming let down....and how do you shake something like this off??? Call me crazy but I'm definitely struggling with this and also reevaluating many of the relationships in my life.

Is there any way to get out of all this? Is there anybody to hold my hand at this moment? I afraid but the answer is not affirmative. I afraid to call someone. I afraid to roam outside. I afraid to listen to a song. I afraid to live. I even afraid to die...

My feet are big and heavy

From walking all this time

I feel like there is just too much

That I have weighing on my mind.

I know that I should have thought

Of a better solution to this thing

But as life would have it

I am stuck here

And this is where my reality begins.

You see, I thought I had it all planned out

But my plans went another route

Following my dreams led me here

Then I slowly watched them disappear.

This is not the life that I used to live

Not the food, not the friends to spend time with.

Too many differences from my comfotable home

Too many disappointments to add to the toll.

But still yet I cry, deep down inside

And pray that the hope I have left

Will be just enough to help me get by...

And still yet, I cry...